Saturday, November 12, 2011

Alice

Hello Everyone,
So, how do you make the rest of your days count?  Alice may inspire you...
http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/
With gratitude for my happy life,
Carey

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Scars


Hello Everyone,
The power of the internet is amazing.  What an obvious statement I know but through this blog I realize that not only do the ones I know and love - friends and family - visit and check up on me but that this medium also allows people far and wide also going through this experience to learn or feel or get a new perspective on the process of chemo, SCT and blessedly; remission.
The power of blogger let me see not the 'who' but the 'where' and the 'how' of those strangers searching for answers or a viewpoint on these subjects.
I know that this month alone I have had around 250 hits on my blog via google or the lymphoma forums or BING check out my blog. This past month I have had 85 blog views from the US ofA,  46 from Canada (yeah!), 28 from Ireland (auwchen-en-ee), 20 from the UK, 19 from France and a myriad more from other corners of the world such as Germany, Israel, the Ukraine, Australia, and Russia -- a fond hello and Be Well to you all!.
So, I am in awe of the gift that this blog has been to me; it is very cathartic but also the gift of maybe easing some one else's fears that I may bring..kind of a "look at me; I've done this, I've made it through so far (knock some serious wood here) and through the grace of...something...I am still going strong".
Where am I going with all of this?  Well, Blogger also clues me in on how people "searching" have found my blog.  For example, again I do not know your IP address or name but I do know that people end up here when they google my name, or the words "SCT & journey" together or, getting to my point - when they google "medianoscopy scars"...This last search has come up several times so I know there are more than a few people out there wondering about the lasting signs of this procedure.
I think somewhere close to the beginning of this blog I go through the whole medianoscopy process so I will not repeat it here suffice to say for those who are reading this entry along and do not want to page back that a medianoscopy is the surgical biopsy procedure where the surgeons enter at your collarbone and scope down under your chest wall to biopsy a mass in the upper lung section (not IN your lungs but in that area) in order to come up with clear results to determine Lymphoma and it's type (Hodgkins or Non). 
We go through a lot that scars us invisibly when we have cancer.  I carry scars that no one will ever see, they are inside me and have more to do with my emotional being than with my physical being; but this post is not about that - it is about the real permanent scar that we wear after this procedure.
Have Hope!  Those who are just now going through this procedure - look at my photo..do you see it?  The fine line across my neck?  It is not that bad, huh?  This is 2 and a 1/2 years out so it is as faded as it probably ever will be.  Yes, it's there but seriously, not that bad at all...I am almost proud of it!  Please do not worry - some of us carry these scars - I also still have my PICC line and pherisis scars but they too are subtle.  Others have larger port scars and still others the small distinctive tattoo's from radiation markings. And so?  We have been branded, yes but branded as SURVIVORS and, hallelujah to that!
Take care everyone,
Carey

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Another 3 months...

Hi Everyone,
I had my latest 3 month check up on June 2nd.  Yes, I realize my 2 year anniversary was on April 16th so that is only 2 mos. but my timing with scheduling appt's has been a bit off so by missing a week here, a couple of days there I have pushed the overall schedule out and this technically was my two year appointment.  
Well, ...yeah me!  All is well.  No issues with any of the screening.  Seriously good news.
It was also a difficult appointment because I had to come to terms with some permanent effects that the chemo has had on me.  I knew of them a few months prior but having to verbalize them at this appointment also made them final and well, ouch, it hurt.  Please, this is nothing life threatening or really what anyone would call debilitating, just part of 'my new normal'... I will come to terms with.
Moving on... in a couple days time I will run another 5k.  This will be my third in nine months and I am really enjoying the feeling of completion.  
I am a very pathetic track star and will never, ever win any medals for speed but the fact that I am completing them and looking forward to more and maybe a 10k in the fall if I up the training...this is also part of my new normal that, thanks to doctors and chemo and science and love and support and some good luck; it has brought to mind a poem that I wrote after my first remission.    It was true then and true after my relapse and true now:

Cancer is so Limited!
It cannot take humour
It cannot devour light
It cannot grow on fear
It cannot diminish love
It cannot reduce my worth
It cannot become my obsession
It cannot make my decisions
It cannot remove my smile
It cannot hide my laugh lines
It cannot impede my soul


With gratitude,
Carey

Saturday, April 16, 2011

2 years old today!!

Hello Everyone!
Oh my Gosh.  I am in some shock.  I just came in from taking Hayden and his cousin to the movies and there was a message on the phone.  It's from my mother in law who is away wishing me a happy re-birthday!.  I am shocked because I forgot!!!  Yes, a day I would rank up there as one of my top five most momentous days in my life and two years later on its anniversary - it did not enter my mind.
I guess it is a testament to how much life has returned to normal. 
But, I am grateful for the phone call.  Reminding me what today is, that 2 years ago today I began my life again.. it is hard to put into words.  That was a time of big battles.  I am talking David and Goliath.  Me (David if you will) vs. cancer.  Carey 2 - Cancer 0.  
And so, here is to another 365 days until my next anniversary.  I will try to be more conscious of the gift I received those two years now past.  It is the perfect perspective-maker.  
Take care everyone - happiness to all,
Carey

Sunday, February 6, 2011

If you need a reason...

Hello Everyone!
Actually, is anyone out there?  It has been so long since I last posted I am doubtful that anyone still checks in...
But in case there is someone still taking a peak...first, I am fine, more than fine and will update more on that in the very near future because I am full of news and views...
However, on a more serious note - I ask that anyone out there reading this today, please light a candle to send hope and light to a fellow warrior in this cancer battle.  Kirsten --> here is her blog --> http://www.cancersmancer.blogspot.com/  <-- Kirsten is an amazing woman who has been fighting Hodgkin's lymphoma with all her strength for many years now.  She and I are about the same age and she is also a fellow Canadian.  She is someone whose attitude and personality I would aspire to - aspirational and inspirational in her battles against the beast.  She has hit a very large rock in her path through this all and her family has asked, via her blog, that we light a candle to send her some comfort.
I am rocked by this turn in her life and will get on top of my pseudo-pedestal once again to say Lymphoma is a beast and if you have the opportunity to read Kirsten's blog I hope she will inspire you to lend your support in some way to kill the beast because if you ever need a reason, she and her story would be one...- give blood, sign-up for the stem cell registry, light the night, walk for a week-end, or..light a candle and send some love to those who continue to fight.
Thank you everyone.
Carey
Update (Feb 8,11):  Yesterday, on Monday February 7th 2011, the world lost a fighter - Kirsten passed away.  Bless her and her family.